


Fortuitous

by MegGonagall



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adult Hermione Granger, Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst, Community: HPFT, Eventual Hermione Granger/Severus Snape, F/M, Mild Smut, POV Hermione Granger, Professor Hermione Granger, Romance, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Severus Snape Lives, Sexual Tension, snamione, student/former professor, unexpected love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-10 18:32:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7856467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegGonagall/pseuds/MegGonagall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div>
  <p><br/><a href="http://s1279.photobucket.com/user/MeggieMarie/media/A29E84BE-6D25-4A7C-81A4-ECFDBFDE4465_zpsywjctrtl.png.html"></a><img/><br/>Gorgeous Banner by mockingjay at The-Dark-Arts.net<br/><br/><b>for·tu·i·tous</b>- fôrˈto͞oədəs/<br/>(adjective)<br/><em>happening by accident or chance rather than design.</em><br/></p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beyond the rain](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=beyond+the+rain).



The sound of rain heavily pounding on the pavement silenced the faint pop of the young woman, who Apparated in the middle of the road. With a shiver she pulled her hood over her head, then hurried from the street next to the musky smelling, polluted river. Hunched over, she quickly made her way towards the cobblestone sidewalk, which lined the row of dilapidated houses in the run-down neighborhood.

It was nearing midnight, and she knew it was very late to be calling at his house - he would be displeased for sure, but she couldn't wait another moment. She had to get this over with once and for all.

A strong gust of wind blew her frizzy brown hair all across her face. She paused for a moment to pry the damp strands away, then looked up at the place she had hastily decided to visit that evening. Suddenly she felt it may have been foolish for her to be there, and almost turned away, until she saw his silhouette in the upstairs window. Her heart skipped a beat seeing his shadowy figure, which was slowly undressing - for bed, she supposed.

The strangest sensation formed in the pit of her stomach as she watched him remove his robes and pull down his trousers. She felt a yearning that had become quite familiar to her as of late, while in his presence.

With a wave of her wand, she place an Impervius Charm on herself, then dried her robes. She knew it was wrong to watch him from the street, but she was still working up the courage to tell him how she felt.

When the light to his room went out, she almost lost her nerve.  _Almost._ She had waited for far too long and had been working up the courage all evening to do this. She wasn't waiting another moment.

With her shoulders squared she marched to his house, up three stairs, took a deep breath, then knocked.

Her heart pounded loudly in her ears as she waited for what must have only been about a minute, yet it felt like an hour to her, before the door opened. Stood before her was the man she had fallen for, dressed in nothing but black striped pajama bottoms and a white cotton t-shirt. Briefly she let her eyes travel his body, still amazed by the lean muscles he normally had hidden beneath billowing black robes, before landing on his face. A look of shock flashed briefly in his dark eyes, before they narrowed considerably.

“Miss Granger,” he said. A small amount of surprise mixed in his silky voice. “What is the meaning of this; calling at this hour?”

His piercing glare caused her to temporarily lose the ability to speak. She swallowed loudly, as he waited for her to answer, then let herself in his house uninvited.

“Please, come in, why don't you,” she heard him mutter angrily under his breath.

After carefully taking her hood down, she heard the low thud of the door closing. She kept her back to him, yet she could feel his eyes burning into her.

“Severus,” she breathed out, still not facing him. Her heart hammered in her chest.


	2. Chapter 1.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It was the first time he addressed her by her given name. A part of her, which completely took her off guard, realized that she rather liked it. ___

_Ten Months Prior_

 

Hermione Granger stood in front of Hogwarts, looking at it in a completely new light. For now she was a Professor. It was a position she was initially reluctant to accept, but her two best friends, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, eventually talked her into it. They reminded her of all the help she had given them throughout their entire time at the school, and knew that she would be a valuable asset to the teaching staff at the prestigious Wizarding institution. 

With Professor Slughorn returning to his quiet retirement, and Professor Snape retaking his role as Potions Master, there was an opening for a Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. Since the curse on the position had broken with Voldemort’s death, many people applied for the job, yet Professor McGonagall wrote to Hermione specifically, offering it to her. After loads of persuasion from her friends, and many owls from McGonagall, reluctantly she accepted. 

A part of her worried that her students may not take her too seriously. Afterall, she was just barely twenty-four years old. Hardly older than the seventh years, and looked as if she could have still been a student at the school. She wondered if any of the current professors began their careers at such a young age, and if they would have any advice they could give her on how to command the students’ respect. 

When she arrived to Professor McGonagall’s office, she received quite a shock when she noticed there was someone already in there, looking just as nervous as she was. It was Neville Longbottom, who was sitting in an armchair in front of the Headmistress’ desk, wringing his hands together. 

“Surprise!” He smiled when she entered. 

Hermione immediately guessed why Neville was there. She had heard rumors that Professor Sprout was also retiring, and assumed Neville was now taking on the role of Herbology Professor. The thought of having a friend there with her caused her to smile. 

“You're taking over for Professor Sprout, aren't you?” she guessed. 

Neville nodded proudly. “I couldn't believe it when McGonagall asked me, but here I am.” 

“Neville, why didn’t you tell me?” she asked excitedly. 

Before Neville could respond, the door opened and Hermione saw his black cloak billowing in before he stopped and looked at both of them; disapproval saturated his eyes. 

“ _This_ was the best Minerva could come up with?” Severus sneered. 

Hermione rolled her eyes and noticed Neville visibly stiffen. Her blood boiled. She was his colleague now, and was not going to be treated like some errant teenager. 

“Did you need something, _Severus_?” 

She made sure to put emphasis on his given name, just to further prove that she was not a student, and no longer would be spoken to as such. 

Severus’ eyes narrowed; Hermione refused to break eye contact. 

“It’s nothing that cannot wait,” he said, then threw one more icy look in her direction before leaving the office and slamming the door hard behind him. Neville winced. 

“Git,” Hermione muttered. 

 

***

_Nine Months Prior_

 

“I just don’t get it!” Hermione cried out, slamming her bag down in the staff room. “They refuse to listen to a word I say. They just keep asking me questions about Harry and if they’ll have a chance to meet him. It’s maddening,” she complained to the room, which consisted of Filius, Neville, Hagrid and Severus. 

She noticed the corner of Severus’ mouth twitch as he exhaled loudly enough for her to hear. Ignoring him, she continued on. 

“I’ve assigned them more essays than I remember ever completing, have taken house points for going off topic and have even handed out a handful of detentions, and I still cannot get them to take me seriously.” 

Hagrid, who was sitting the closest to her, patted her on the shoulder - which nearly caused her to fall over. 

“Don’ yeh worry ‘bout it, Hermione,” Hagrid smiled. “Remember me firs’ year?” 

Hermione, remembering the trouble Malfoy and his friends had given Hagrid, nodded. “I do,” she said with a sad smile. 

“Summat will change when yeh least ‘spect it, an’ they’ll start ta listen,” he tried to reassure her. 

As Hermione went to reply she heard a loud snort from the back corner of the room. Her shoulders dropped as she inhaled deeply. 

“Something you’d wish to add, Severus?” Her eyes narrowed. 

Severus’ eyes did not move from the _Daily Prophet_ , which he held in his hands. “You’ve always had all the answers, Miss Granger. Of course there is nothing I’d wish to add.” 

Hermione's hands balled up into tight fists as her vision suddenly became red. The man was just as surly and insufferable as ever. 

“Look here, _Professor-_ ” 

Clearly uncomfortable with the mounting tension in the room, Filius intervened by clearing his throat. 

“It's been a long day for all of us, I reckon. Perhaps we should all calm down before we say things we may regret later?” 

Hermione stood shooting daggers at Severus, still ready to bombard him with a verbal assault she was sure he had never endured before. But after looking around and noticing how uncomfortable her friends and colleagues looked, she decided to bite her tongue. Quite literally, actually. 

“Erm, Hermione?” Neville said quietly. “Want to join me for some tea in the greenhouse?” 

Her stance loosened up, yet she gave Severus a look that clearly stated that this was not over. Severus rolled his eyes and lazily turned a page of the paper he was reading. 

“That sounds lovely, Neville,” she said through her teeth. 

Later that evening Hermione was doing patrols around the castle, making sure no students were wandering around after hours. A part of her found it sort of funny, since she, Harry and Ron had done their fair share of roaming the castle at night while she was a student. 

During her travels, she found herself in the Dungeons of the castle. She pulled her robes tightly around her; the air was much colder there than any other part of the school. As she passed the Potions classroom, she paused for a moment and looked in. She didn’t know why she stopped, or what she was looking for, but something seemed to draw her to that room. 

Hermione stared at nothing in particular as she recalled her first month and a half teaching at Hogwarts. The transition from Student to Professor was not going as smoothly as she hoped it would; it was going about as well as she feared it wouldn’t. At least Professor McGonagall and the rest of her colleagues were treating her as an equal, like one of their own. Well, almost all of them. 

“May I help you with something, Miss Granger?” a dry voice said from behind her. 

Hermione’s heart leapt and her whole body trembled. She hadn’t heard him approach at all. 

“Merlin’s Beard!” she exclaimed while clutching her chest. 

A hint of a smirk briefly crossed Severus’ lips before his signature scowl returned to his face. 

“You scared me half to death! Couldn't you have given me some kind of warning that you were lurking about?” she hissed. 

Severus cocked an eyebrow. “Where would the fun be in that?” 

Hermione did a double take. Had he just made a joke? 

“Speaking of lurking,” Severus said, then gestured towards Hermione and his Potions classroom. 

“I was doing rounds,” she answered defensively, hands on her hips. 

“Right."

The two of them stood in a heavy silence for a few moments, until Severus let out a loud breath. 

“I was twenty-one when I began to teach here,” he said, to her surprise. 

Hermione mentally did the math and realized that he must had taught students whom he attended Hogwarts with three years before he became a Professor. 

“That couldn't have been easy,” she replied softly. 

Severus let out a snort. “To put it mildly.” 

It was difficult enough for her teaching students who were near her age, but she couldn't imagine what it would have been like to try and gain the respect of people who were students with her. Perhaps that was why he was giving her that information. 

“Imagine teaching the insufferable Gryffindors who had watched Potter and Black torment me for years. Gryffindors who had the gall and the audacity to refer to me as ‘ _Snivellus_ ’ during lessons,” he said with an ugly, twisted look on his face. 

Hermione automatically took one step back due to his frightening expression. “How did you cope?” she whispered. 

A cruel smile formed on Severus’ face. “Taking house points, failing students for the simplest mistakes, handing out detentions…among other things.” 

Hermione then began to slightly understand how he became such a miserable and tough professor. 

“From what I remember, you hadn't changed much.” 

“Old habits die hard,” he smirked. 

“Clearly."

Were she and Severus actually having a civil conversation? He had been nothing but hostile towards her since the day she’d began teaching. It was a shock to see this side of Severus Snape. To see him finally begin to speak to her as a peer, instead of a child. 

"Although," she began, "I don't think it's fair of you to still take out your past on students who had nothing to do with it; who weren't even born when you first began to teach." 

So much for the civil conversation, she thought, as she watched his face darken. 

Severus' nostrils flared. "You dare insult my teaching methods when you cannot even manage your own students," he hissed. 

Hermione flinched. "That's not fair, Severus. You went through what I'm going through. And had a rougher go of it, from what you tell me. A little empathy never hurt anyone, you know," she scolded. 

Severus' eyes narrowed. "My apologies, Miss Granger," he said with heavy sarcasm. 

Too tired to have a row with him, Hermione decided to take the high road.

“Thank you,” she said. 

His brow furrowed. “For?” 

"For sharing that with me; letting me know that I am not the only person to have gone through this.” 

Severus, visibly uncomfortable by her genuine gratitude, cleared his throat. “You’re welcome,” he said shortly. 

Again they stood in an uncomfortable silence, which was interrupted by a yawn from Hermione. 

“I think I'll be heading to sleep now. Thank you again.”

“You do not have to continue to thank me,” he said in an exasperated tone. 

Hermione shook her head softly. “Goodnight, Severus,” she said with an edge of irritation in her voice, before turning and beginning to walk away. 

“Goodnight, Hermione,” she heard him say quietly as she left. 

It was the first time he addressed her by her given name. A part of her, which completely took her off guard, realized that she rather liked it.


	3. Chapter 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Her heart picked up speed when she noticed the diminished proximity between them. Suddenly an image of her closing the distance and placing her lips on his popped into her mind._

_Eight Months Prior_

The month that followed, after Hermione and Severus had their unprecedented moment of understanding and relating to one another, they seemed to become somewhat friends. Severus, for example, offered to supervise the detentions of those students who misbehaved in her class. To Hermione’s delight, and somewhat to her horror, the students who had detention with Severus never seemed to disrespect her or act up in class again. She never asked what he had done, but she was grateful. 

As the students began to listen and actively participate in class, she found herself rather enjoying her role as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. She was able to provide her students with real world experience and knowledge, which seemed to finally keep them all on the edge of their seats. They began to ask her questions that involved her, and the “ _Is Harry Potter really…?_ ” and “ _Is it true that Harry Potter…?_ ” interruptions significantly died down.

After class one day, she was particularly touched by what one of her second years remained behind to say to her. 

"Professor Granger,” the slight, raven-haired Hufflepuff said. 

"Yes, Miss Clementine?” 

She noticed the girl shuffled her feet and tugged at the cuff of her robes. 

“I was very small when the war was going on,” she began in a voice barely above a whisper. “My mother was a Muggle-born, and we all had to go into hiding.” 

Hermione did not miss the fact that her student had said, _was_ a Muggle-Born. Her face softened and she felt a tightening in her throat. 

" _They_ found us,” the young Hufflepuff continued. “My mother-” Her breath hitched. “My mother tried to fight them off, but in the end…”

"I'm so sorry,” Hermione said in a gravely voice, thick with emotion. 

The girl’s head snapped up; tears glistened in her eyes. “Don't be. You ended it. _All of it_ , and I just wanted to say - I just wanted to say, thank you. It's an honor to have you as my professor.” 

Hermione was rendered speechless by what her student confided in her. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she patted the young girl on the shoulder, and finally managed to say something. 

"Your mother was very brave.”

The girl managed a smile. “She was, Professor.”

In the middle of the night, Hermione woke up screaming in a cold sweat. The nightmares returned. She dreamed she was in Malfoy Manor, pinned under Bellatrix, who had red slits for eyes - like Voldemort. Hermione struggled to free herself as Bellatrix hissed in Parseltongue, carving Mudblood into Hermione’s arm. Voldemort suddenly appeared alongside Bellatrix; he ran his hand through her wild black hair and purred, “Yes, Bella. Maim the piece of filth. Make her scream.” The panicked shouting from Ron and Harry filled her ears. _HERMIONE!_

Her eyes popped open; her heart raced. She sat up quickly and pulled the sleeve of her left arm up. It was faded after so many years, but still visible enough to nauseate her each time she saw it. The scar made her truly appreciate and empathize with Harry, and what he must had felt looking at his reflection each day; seeing the lightning bolt scar on his forehead. At least she could cover hers. 

Knowing that she wouldn't have been able to fall back to sleep - she was wound too tightly from the horrible dream, she decided she would head down to the kitchens and see if one of the elves would mind making her a hot cup of tea. She hated to disturb them so late, but she hadn't been there in quite some time and wanted to see how Winky was managing. 

The silence and emptiness of the castle was eerie. As she walked the halls, she had painful flashbacks from the war - most likely due to the nightmare. She passed the spot where Fred died and stopped for a moment. The images of the explosion and the sounds of Percy’s strangled sobs clouded her mind. Out of all the experiences from that dreadful night, that was definitely one of the worst. 

She really hadn't thought of the war much since she started teaching in the castle. She couldn't, or she’d have gone mad. Of course now and then she'd turn a corner and a small flash of that Final Battle would appear before her eyes. But for the most part, she had done a decent job of keeping those memories at bay. 

Her eyes watered, and she could not seem to bring herself to tear them away from the spot where Fred perished. Sometimes it was still difficult to believe he was really gone. Even after all of these years. 

"Hermione?” a familiar silky voice said from behind her. 

She wiped her cheeks hastily and plastered a false smile on her face as she turned around. 

Severus wore the oddest expression; one she had most certainly never seen before. He almost looked concerned. 

"Good evening, Severus.” She tried to sound pleasant, yet her traitorous voice cracked at the end. Any fool would have known she had been crying. 

His head tilted to the side, just slightly, as he bore his black eyes into hers. “Trouble sleeping?” 

Hermione nodded. She quickly deliberated if she should tell him why. Seeing the intensity in which he gazed at her seemed to have made up her mind. For some strange reason, his presence had a calming effect on her. She felt safe. 

"Nightmares,” she whispered. “I don't have them as often as I had in the beginning. But… Sometimes they still come.” 

Hermione watched the understanding slowly come into his eyes. 

"Come,” was all he said, before turning and leading her down the corridor, and towards his chambers. 

When they arrived to his office Severus waved his wand, which lit a few of the lanterns, giving the room a soft glow. He swiftly walked to his desk and began to rummage through the drawers, clearly looking for something. Hermione stood awkwardly in the doorway, not sure if she was supposed to enter, or what exactly he was doing. She twisted a strand of her hair around her finger and felt a strange fluttering sensation slowly form in the center of her stomach. It was nearing four in the morning, and Hermione realized she had never been so _alone_ with Severus. 

Finally Severus found what he must had been searching for; a tiny vial that he held up to show her. She noticed his eyes roll and a quiet, annoyed sigh come from him. 

“I have already invited you to join me, Hermione. Do you honestly require yet another invitation to enter my office?” 

Had she wanted to go in? If they had been seen, people may have assumed they were up to something inappropriate, due to the nature of the hour. But why would anyone have thought that of Hermione and Severus, she wondered. It wasn’t as if she would have _ever_ considered engaging the man in any conversation, or activity, that was anything other than professional or platonic. Hermione almost laughed at the thought. 

“Something amusing?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Hermione hadn’t realized she began to smirk at her previous thought, and how utterly absurd it had been. She quickly stopped smiling and shook her head. 

"No. Not at all,” she lied. 

Once again his eyes pierced hers, as if trying to see into her mind. Hermione had practiced Occlumency over the years and become rather decent at it. She did not fear him reading her thoughts. Although, she did feel the uncomfortable sensation of someone attempting to invade her mind. Attempting, but not succeeding. Then just as suddenly as it began, the feeling stopped. Severus furrowed his brow. Hermione almost smiled again, seeing the obvious frustration on his face. 

"Right…” he said slowly, before handing the tiny container to her. “This is a Dreamless Sleep Potion. It’s very potent, so you need not use more than three drops before bedtime. I normally have a few spare vials lying about,” he told her, but did not elaborate on why. 

Hermione was genuinely touched by the kind gesture he had shown her. She assumed that after all he had been through, he most likely took the potion nightly. She highly doubted he would have wanted to relive any of his moments as a Death Eater turned spy for The Order in his sleep. 

When she looked up at him, she noticed that he was looking at her differently than he ever had before. She had never seen an expression on his face quite like it - ever. His scowl disappeared, causing the lines around his eyes to smooth out significantly, and the corner of his mouth turned up just a hair. 

Hermione took the time to truly look at him and began to notice little things that she never had before. For one, his hair. It wasn’t nearly as greasy looking as she remembered it. It made her wonder if, since the war was over and he had more time to himself, that he actually took the time to take care of it, or if it was because of the small amount of grey hairs. Either way, she thought the salt and pepper look of his locks suited him nicely. Another thing was his stance. At that moment he looked more relaxed and less stiff than he normally was. He seemed almost comfortable with Hermione in his office, silently studying him in the early hours of the morning. He’d also come to have a dark shadow of stubble covering his face, which truthfully was quite becoming on him. If she was being honest with herself, she had to admit that he was sort of attractive. Not in the traditional sense, but the way he carried himself; confident, intelligent and powerful. There was no doubt in her mind that Severus Snape had been one of the most powerful wizards she had ever known, and that was something she began to find herself drawn to. 

“Problem?” Severus asked, looking confused as to why she was staring at him. 

Hermione broke herself from her thoughts and quickly shook her head. “Oh, no. Sorry, Severus. Just thinking about something.” She felt her cheeks heat up. “Thank you,” she said, holding up the vial. 

Severus nodded, still eyeing her carefully. “It was nothing.” He waved her off. 

"Why Severus Snape, is this a soft side of you I’m detecting?” she joked, trying to keep him from seeing what she had just been thinking. 

To her complete surprise, a bark of a laugh came from his lips, which made him look ten years younger. “No one will ever believe you, you know,” he said in a threatening tone. 

Hermione blinked rapidly before beginning to laugh. “And now you’re actually joking? You’re right, no one _would_ believe it!” 

It was the first time she had ever seen Severus smile - a real genuine smile, and her breath caught in her throat. "You should smile more," she blurted out. His eyes widened. 

"It is not often I have a reason to," he responded in a hardened voice. 

"Pity," Hermione whispered.

Neither one seemed to notice, but during that moment between the two, they inched closer to one another, until they were only a body width apart. Hermione felt the tension that mounted between them and her heart picked up speed when she noticed the diminished proximity between them. Suddenly an image of her closing the distance and placing her lips on his popped into her mind. She took a step back and looked to the ground. She panicked as she wondered where in the name of Merlin that had come from. 

"It’s rather late. I - I should probably return to my room. Thank you again.” 

She refused to make eye contact again, out of the fear that he would have seen that brief embarrassing fantasy. 

Severus also took a step back and cleared his throat. “Take three drops if you intend to go back to sleep,” he reminded her. 

“I will.” She hesitated for a moment. A small part of her, a part of her which she couldn’t understand, wanted to stay. “Goodnight, Severus,” she said, then nearly ran for the door before she would do something reckless and completely make a fool of herself. 

“Sleep well, Hermione,” she heard quietly from behind her.


	4. Chapter 3.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _She couldn't deny it any longer. Hermione Granger had developed romantic feelings for Severus Snape._

_Seven Months Prior_

December was a difficult month for Hermione, because of the Holidays. That Christmas was Hermione’s third one without her parents. 

After the war, Hermione, Harry and Ron hunted down her parents in Australia, with help from the new Minister for Magic - Kingsley Shacklebolt, along with the Australian magical government. Of course her mother and father were furious with her for modifying their memories, and risking her life as she had, but they hadn't stayed angry with her for long. After all, they all survived and had each other. 

The summer after she had turned twenty-one, her life was forever changed. She received an owl in the flat that she, Ginny and Luna all shared, stating that her parents were killed in a fire. The Muggle authorities ruled it accidental; an electrical fire. The Aurors however, found signs of magical entry and foul play. It was suspected that some stray Death Eaters, or Voldemort sympathizers, found them and murdered them. Hermione was devastated and still blamed herself, no matter how many times her friends and loved ones told her it was not her fault. 

Ever since her parents passed away, she spent her Christmases at The Burrow, since Molly wouldn't dare let one of ‘her children’ spend the holiday alone. Which was why Molly, the rest of the Weasleys and Harry were all saddened to hear she would be unable to join them, since she volunteered to remain behind with the students who were there for the holidays.

That was what she told herself. _It was for the students_. Her deciding to stay had absolutely _nothing_ to do with the man she had grown closer to the previous two months; the man she had begun to care for and respect very much. The man she hadn't dared to tell anyone about her confusing and changing feelings for. It had _nothing_ to do with Severus Snape. 

Hermione was on her way to The Great Hall on Christmas Eve for dinner with the handful of students, and the few staff members, who had all stayed behind. She tried to push the memories of Christmas Eves from her childhood out of her mind. Thinking of her mother making tea and biscuits while her father hummed merrily caused her to well up. She could almost smell the ginger and hear the Christmas music that would linger throughout her home. 

When she arrived to the Entrance Hall she stopped for a moment to gather a bit of strength. Here she was Professor Granger and did not think it would be in her best interest to let herself fall apart in front of her students. Christmas at the Weasleys’ was different; she was allowed to have time to become emotional, because she was surrounded by her surrogate family, who understood the fresh pain she had due to losing her parents at such a young age. But at Hogwarts, she knew she must contain herself, remain strong and appear jovial for the holiday. 

The door to the Great Hall was cracked opened a hair, letting a small beam of golden light into the dark corridor she stood in. There were barely two dozen students who had remained, so the noise coming from the hall was much more muted than during term. 

Hermione heard footsteps behind her and the unmistakable sound of robes swishing in the breeze. She did not have to turn around to know who was coming behind her. Even the sound of Severus walking had started to become very familiar to her. 

"Good evening, Severus,” she said without turning around. 

The footsteps stopped right behind her. 

“Hermione,” he responded. 

When Hermione spun around to face him, she gasped out loud. The bottom half of her body felt as if it had a Body-Bind Jinx put on it. She could not move at all below her waist. Her feet were stuck to the ground! Her eyes opened widely and were filled with fright. Were they being attacked? She reached for her wand. 

“Severus?!” she exclaimed in a terrified whisper. 

He also seemed to be suffering from the same hex Hermione was under. The two of them were face to face; only inches apart. Severus bared his teeth. 

"Fuck! This couldn't possibly be happening,” he snarled. 

Hermione’s heartbeat sounded in her ears. She was beyond frightened upon seeing the anger in Severus’ eyes. 

" _Lumos_ ,” she said, and the tip of her wand began to glow. She scanned the area checking for any sign of possible enemies. 

_How could anyone have entered the castle?_ she wondered as she looked all around her. Severus let out a loud breath. 

When she looked at him, she noticed that he had not drawn his wand, but was glaring at something above their heads. Confused, Hermione aimed her wand in the direction he was looking. Suddenly her fear melted from her body and understanding took its place. 

_They were standing beneath a mistletoe._

Hermione could not help it and a nervous giggle escaped her lips. How absurd to think that she was stuck there with Severus Snape. Stuck unless they… 

Cold fear once again crept up inside her chest. It was a different fear this time. Not the bone-chilling, fight or flight feeling she had a moment ago. Now it was more like a forgetting you had a test to study for kind of fear. A nervous, stomach churning, _what-in-the-name-of-Merlin-am-I-supposed-to-do?_ type feeling. 

Severus narrowed his eyes. 

“So glad you find this amusing,” he sneered. “You do understand what this means, I'm sure?” 

Hermione rolled her eyes. She was far from unintelligent and knew quite surely what the mistletoe was capable of. That condescending tone of his voice struck a nerve with her. It was as if he was speaking to a student he deemed a ‘dunderhead.’

"That we’re stuck here for all eternity, unless I throw away all dignity and snog you?” she shot back with a icy edge to her voice. 

A part of her was a bit insulted - and mildly hurt - by the expression on Severus’ face. The way his nose scrunched, and how his lip curled, made her feel as if he had been utterly revolted by the thought of her kiss. She wasn't _that_ unappealing, was she? 

Severus’ left eyebrow arched. “It's good to know you understand our predicament.” His voice was as dry the Sahara. 

Hermione’s fists clenched into balls; her blood could have melted steel. 

"Surely there are worse things you could think of than a small, _meaningless_ kiss between us. It's the only way out of this bloody mess,” she hissed, while jerking her head towards the red and green abomination, which dangled above their heads. 

"The Cruciatus Curse, perhaps? No. I’d be willing to wager that would be more tolerable,” scoffed Severus. 

To think they had been getting along quite well for weeks! Hermione ground her teeth in anger while staring into the cruel black eyes before her. He was nothing more than an insufferable git, she thought in a fury. 

She couldn't bear one more moment of standing in front of him as he leered down at her. Her heart raced as she thought of what she was about to do to free herself from this unthinkable situation. 

"Oh for goodness sake!” she growled as she took his head between her hands and brought her face into his. 

The last thing she noticed, before placing her lips on his, was the flabbergasted and almost frightened look on Severus’ face. 

As she kissed him, she was surprised that his lips were as soft as they were. She would have imagined that they would have been dried and cracked. He didn't come off as the type who would take care of such a thing as chapped lips. Slowly the lower half of her body regained the ability to move, yet she did not back away. Why, she had no idea. There was a part of her that found herself enjoying the closeness of another person. The closeness of _him_. She felt an electricity shoot through her that she had never felt while snogging any other man. 

Severus, she didn't know if it was due to the shock of her kissing him without any preamble, or if he felt what she had as well, took her hair in both of his hands and pulled roughly. A small moan of contentment sounded in the back of her throat and she found herself move closer to him; she was hungry for more. He pulled her hair once more, and she felt her face flush immediately as she realized he was not pulling it out of passion, but rather to pry her away. 

"That,” he breathed heavily and took two steps back, “will _never_ happen again.” 

Hermione bit her lip in embarrassment. The look he was giving her in that moment was beyond anything she had ever seen before. His eyes were almost entirely black and his nostrils flared. It was clear that Severus was absolutely livid. 

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but could not find the right words - something she never had difficulty with before that moment. He glared at her once more then quickly stormed away. 

As he stalked away from her, Hermione felt tears well up in her eyes. She was hurt, confused and more than anything, extremely lonely. She had no idea why her body reacted as it had when she kissed him, but she couldn't deny it any longer. Hermione Granger had developed romantic feelings for Severus Snape. 

When he reached the door to The Great Hall, he paused and turned back to look at her. He didn't seem quite as angry; he looked almost as if he was in pain. Severus did not say any more to her, but shook his head then turned to enter the hall. Hermione felt the tears glide down her face. 

"Happy Christmas, Hermione,” she whispered to herself.


	5. Chapter 4.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _All of the sarcasm and bitterness was gone from his voice. He sounded almost pained. Hermione felt a yearning to reach out to him, hold him, and make the pain in his voice go away forever._

_Six Months Prior_

In the weeks that followed, after the mistletoe incident, neither Hermione nor Severus mentioned it again. When the two of them were in one another’s company, he treated her no differently than he had prior to their kiss. Somewhat kind at times - kind for Severus, that was, and borderline aloof and cold at others. 

There were moments when she wondered if she imagined the whole thing, but then her body would react to the memory. She would feel a tightening below her waist and a tingling sensation surge through her when remembering the feel of his lips, the pipe smoke and Gillywater taste of him, and the warmth of his body, briefly pressed against hers. For as active and brilliant as her mind was, even she could not have come up with a fabrication as vivid as that. 

As time went on, and it was obvious that the subject had become a taboo, she actively tried to push that evening from her mind, determined to let it go. When she'd find herself slipping, she'd pinch the inside of her arm to try to deter herself from reliving it. But that hadn't meant that Hermione had not thought about it. Despite her efforts, the memory of his kiss seemed to pop up at random intervals, like an annoying alarm, determined to send rejection, confusion, longing, and shame coursing through her. 

One January evening, she was sat in the Staff Lounge with parchment, quills, and a book opened before her; a hot cup of coffee was clenched between her hands. She was working on her lesson plan for the following week for her seventh years, who would begin Patronuses. Dinner had just finished in the Great Hall and she thought she'd take advantage of the empty room, since the library most likely would have been peppered with some of the older students, who had begun preparing for their upcoming NEWTs and OWLs. She felt as if she were just as worried about the students performing well on their exams as they were, which was why she was so focused on making sure her entire lesson plan was perfect. 

Before taking a sip from her mug, Hermione inhaled deeply. The smell of freshly brewed coffee always calmed Hermione. There was something about the aroma that reached inside of her and gently rocked her soul, almost to sleep. When the scent of the beans reached her nostrils, every stressor, insecurity and worry seemed to float away with the steam that swirled and floated toward the sky. It was just one of those homey smells, like an old book, a dirt-floored basement, rain on the pavement on a summer’s day or freshly mown grass.

She sat staring at nothing in general, just enjoying her coffee and once again reliving Christmas Eve in her mind, when her attention was diverted by the door quietly opening. 

“Hey, Hermione,” Neville called to her from across the room. 

It wasn't that Hermione hadn't been happy to see her longtime friend, but if she had to choose the person to have interrupted her at that moment, she would have gone with a certain surly Potions Master. 

Regardless, she smiled in welcome. “Evening, Neville.” 

When Neville scanned the room and saw that Hermione was the only one in there, a small frown formed on his lips. “What are you doing in here all by yourself?”

Hermione shrugged. Truth be told, since The-Kiss-That-Shall-Not-Be-Spoken-Of happened, she had begun to isolate herself a bit. She tended to spend her evenings either in the Staff Lounge, Library, her living quarters, or just wandering the halls of the castle. The silence and solitude comforted her. 

“Lesson planning,” she answered, pointing at the items in front of her. 

As Neville pulled out a chair across from her, Hermione noticed his brow furrowed. Far from the chubby, insecure little boy he once was, Neville was now more confident, mature and unafraid to speak his mind if need be. 

“You haven’t been looking very well lately, Hermione. You’re pale and have lost a scary amount of weight,” he stated bluntly. 

She hadn’t been sleeping or eating much for that matter. Stressed over her feelings for a man she should not have had them for, living in the place where she had lost so many people, and the pressure of making sure she did not fail as a Professor her first year, had all contributed to her current state. How well her students did on their exams would be a direct reflection of her as their teacher. She wanted to make sure they all made top marks. Otherwise, she would have considered herself a failure. Hermione had changed in many ways throughout the years, but the compulsion to succeed and the fear of failure had never left her. 

The corner of her mouth twitched as she tried to give Neville a reassuring smile. “Just a bit stressed, that’s all.” 

Neville nodded, yet did not remove his eyes from Hermione’s. The way he looked at her, it had reminded her of how Dumbledore would attempt to almost x-ray his students; trying to break through their carefully guarded walls and see what had truly been weighing on their minds. It unnerved her a bit, and she found herself longing for the days when Neville would have perhaps minded his own business. 

Uncomfortable under his scrutinizing stare, Hermione broke eye contact and focused her attention on the, now lukewarm, cup of coffee in her hands. She took a sip and blanched due to the temperature. Removing her wand from her pocket, she pointed the tip at the beige liquid, casting a heating charm and making it steam once more. 

“I know, Hermione,” Neville said without preamble. 

Hermione choked on her drink. She was undoubtedly confused. 

“Know what?” She cocked her head to the side. 

Neville shook his head and let out a small chuckle. 

“You’ve been one of my best friends since the moment we first stepped onto the Hogwarts Express,” he began. “I know that you were always closer with Ron and Harry, but you were always _my_ best friend. Sometimes I feel like I know you better than you do. Or Harry or Ron, for that matter.” 

Hermione was still not sure what he was on about. Yes, she was genuinely touched that he considered her to be his best friend. She always assumed as much. After all, it was always Hermione who looked out for Neville during school; sticking up for him, helping him with his coursework and tutoring him after classes. When she thought about it, she supposed the two of them had been much closer than she gave them credit for. 

“You’re one of my best friends, too, Neville. But - where are you going with this?” she asked slowly. 

Rolling his eyes, Neville spoke very matter-of-factly. “That you’ve clearly got it bad for Snape.” 

Hermione’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. Had she been that obvious about it? Did the other professors assume as much? Had Severus assumed it as well? Her heart picked up speed. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Neville,” she tried to laugh off. 

“Not ridiculous, just observant,” he said. “One thing about working with magical plants, Hermione. You tend to become rather proficient at noticing tiny details in living organisms. Slight changes in behavior and the like. You have to have a keen eye for detail.” 

Before Hermione could attempt to lie and deny that Neville was correct, the door to the Lounge opened again. 

As she saw his black robes and the steely look in his black eyes, she felt like all of the blood in her body slowly drained from the crown of her head to the tips of her toes. She feared that he may have heard what she and Neville were speaking about. Neville suddenly seemed to become very interested with a small thread which was sticking out from the cuff of his sleeve. 

“Miss Granger, a word, please?” Although he formed it as a question, the tone of his voice suggested it was not so much a request as it was a demand. 

Neville cleared his throat and stood from the table. “I’ll talk to you later, Hermione,” he said quietly before making his way towards the door. 

Severus stepped to the side, as to let him pass. Neville pushed by about as fast as Hermione imagined his feet were able to have carried him. No matter how confident Neville had become, she knew that a part of him would forever be just a bit fearful of Severus Snape. Not that she could honestly blame him, she thought. 

As soon as the door closed, and she and Severus were alone, he strode towards her, causing her mouth to go dry. It was the first time they had been alone since she assaulted him - for lack of a better word. She read the expression on his face carefully, and was not happy with what she saw. She would have preferred anger, apathy, mild disappointment or anything compared to the look of pity, which clearly showed in his eyes. He looked her over, and she knew she looked a fright. Hair bushier than normal, pulled up haphazardly in a messy bun, clothing hanging off of her small frame, due to the amount of weight she had lost, dark circles under her eyes and skin about as pale as Severus’ himself. She was a mess. 

“Miss Granger,” he said as he pulled out the chair Neville had just vacated. Hermione flinched. 

So she was _Miss Granger_ again. It had been months since he addressed her as such, and she hated that he was doing it once more. 

“ _Severus_ ,” she responded with a bit of acid in her voice. A shadow of smirk briefly crossed his lips before he rearranged his face into the emotionless mask she knew all too well. 

Hermione gently closed her book and took another deep drink from her coffee as she waited for Severus to speak. Being in such close proximity to him, entirely alone, made every nerve in her body come alive. She hated the way he affected her so. Every part of her wished that she would get over whatever this was; it was a waste of time, considering he obviously had not felt the same way. 

“I couldn’t help but to overhear your conversation with Longbottom,” he said quietly. 

Hermione dropped her mug to the ground, which Severus swished his wand and cleaned immediately. Her heart went from beating like a hummingbird’s wings to stopping altogether. 

“He was entirely off the mark,” she lied in a gravelly whisper. 

“Which explains your reaction to my statement, obviously,” he challenged. His voice was filled with sarcasm. Hermione’s face flushed crimson. 

“It was just the fact that you were eavesdropping on a private conversation that took me off guard, that’s all,” she hissed. 

Severus let out a loud breath and pinched the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and his thumb. 

“Miss Granger-” 

Hermione felt a surge of anger course through her. “Stop calling me that!” she shouted. 

His expression darkened. Normally Hermione would have been intimidated, but she was entirely too angry. She kept herself sitting straight and glared right at him. 

“I’m not a child, Severus,” she all but growled through her teeth. 

A cruel smile spread across his lips. “Then I would suggest to quit acting as such. What, with your ridiculous school girl crush. You do realize that I am nearly twice your age, Miss Granger? An old and broken man?” 

His harshness knocked the wind from her. Her shoulders sank; she felt as if his words punctured her, and she was slowly deflating. She couldn’t bear to be in his company for another moment. 

“Leave,” she ordered. Her eyes were beginning to sting and she knew it would not be long before she began to cry out of pure anger. 

She felt her heart grow heavy when she saw the almost satisfied look he had as he stood up before her. “As you wish,” he said. 

Hermione could not understand why he was such a cold and mean man at times, but perfectly agreeable other times. 

Although she did just tell him to leave, a part of her did not want him to. She watched him walk away and she nearly told him to stay. But before she could and before he reached the door, he stopped and spoke once more. 

“Trust me when I say it’s better this way. Better for _you_ this way.” 

All of the sarcasm and bitterness was gone from his voice. He sounded almost pained. Hermione felt a yearning to reach out to him, hold him, and make the pain in his voice go away forever. Also, what had he meant by that? That it was better for her this way?

When he left her alone in the Lounge, Hermione let herself succumb to the tears she had been fighting back. Slowly she packed up her things and made her way back to her room for the evening. Lesson planning all but forgotten for the night as she curled up in bed, and silently asked her mother for advice on what to do.


	6. Chapter 5.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Severus had been through so much in his life. Hermione desperately wanted to see the man happy and she was determined to be the woman who saw to it that he was._

_Five Months Prior_

February was a dreadful month. The weather seemed to match Hermione’s mood perfectly; dreary, grey, cold, dismal. Severus and Hermione seemed to skirt around one another since their altercation in the Staff Lounge the month before. They exchanged nothing more than polite pleasantries, but did not go into any further conversation than that. As much as she tried to ignore him, she couldn’t help but to still notice him. And she would have been lying to herself if she said she hadn’t seen him peer at her from the corner of his eye from time to time, as well. Severus was hiding more than he had admitted that evening they had last spoken. Hermione was sure of it. She felt it deep in her bones. 

She hoped that her feelings for him would have waned over time, but unfortunately they had not. She couldn't explain it to herself; why she had become so infatuated with Severus. Although, when she really thought about it, she knew why. He was extraordinarily intelligent, someone who could keep up with her in a conversation, of course. Before they had their falling out, there were times when Hermione and Severus would fall into deep discussions over different methods for potion making, spells, government or life in general. He had a different way of looking at the world than most people, not unlike herself, actually. The logical and almost methodical way he approached everything in his life was one of the things she admired about the man. 

As usual, Hermione could not sleep, and wandered the castle before dawn. The sky was turning from black to grey -- the sun would be risen before the hour was through. With her wand providing a small sphere of light around her, she found herself making her way to the dungeons of the castle, towards Severus’ living quarters. 

When she passed the Potions Classroom she decided to enter and took the seat she occupied while she was a student. Back then, she never would have imagined she would one day become heartsick over the grumpy man who ran the class. 

She rested her head between her hands as stared at Severus’ empty seat at the front of the room; a loud sigh escaped her. 

A door opened. She froze. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Hermione jumped upon hearing Severus’ angry voice. She hadn't thought she would wake him. 

“Miss Granger? What are you doing in my classroom at this hour?” He asked again. 

“I - erm… I,” she stammered. 

She kept her back to him and felt the air move as he came up behind her. Chills ran all throughout her body as her heart pounded in her throat. 

“Is this why you're here?” He purred in a silky baritone. Hermione’s entire frame quivered. 

Without warning, Severus placed his hands on Hermione’s shoulders; he grasped firmly and began to slowly knead her muscles. Hermione nearly purred from the sensation. Slowly he began to work his hands up and down her arms, taking care to let the tips of his fingers softly brush the side of her breasts as he did so. Pushing her bushy mane to the side, he leaned in and traced his tongue along the curve of her neck. 

“Severus!? What are you-” 

Before she could finish her question, he wrapped her hair around his hand and pulled, lifting her out of her seat. When he spun her around, her pupils dilated; he had a fire in his eyes she had never seen, prior to that moment. 

As she trembled with anticipation, he trailed the back of his free hand from her cheek, down her neck and all along the length of her torso. Hermione’s eyes fluttered shut as she let the feeling of his fingers wash over her. Then before she knew it, he tilted her head back and his lips crashed onto hers, forcing a small moan to erupt from her. 

Hermione’s eyes opened wide; she sat up and it took her a moment to realize she had not been in Severus’ classroom, but sound asleep in her bed. 

“It was just a dream,” she panted. 

It was not the first time she had dreamt of Severus, but never before had she had one that felt so _real_. She could almost still feel the ghost of his finger tips gingerly tracing her body. Her entire being ached with a yearning unlike any she'd had before. It was painful. 

“Get ahold of yourself, Hermione,” she chastised herself with a shake of her head. 

She looked at the time and saw it was half past six in the morning. She hadn't planned on waking for another hour, but knew if she had fallen back to sleep, she'd risk oversleeping altogether. Since she was awake, she figured she'd have her shower and get an early start to her day. 

During breakfast in the Great Hall later that morning, Hermione felt herself blush each time she glanced at Severus. The dream was still fresh in her mind. 

“Feelin’ alrigh’ Hermione? Yer lookin’ awful flushed,” Hagrid said loudly, taking Hermione out of her embarrassing thoughts. 

_Curse Hagrid and his non-existent subtly_ , she thought sourly. 

“I'm fine, Hagrid. Thanks,” she lied with a smile. 

Hagrid smiled back. “Still hard ta believe yer up here at the staff table,” he chortled. “Seems like jus’ yesterday you lot were goin’ ta Hogwarts.” 

Hermione chuckled softly. “It really does feel that way sometimes, doesn't it.” 

Severus, she noticed, glanced her way as she spoke with Hagrid. When she made a move to acknowledge him and potentially bridge the gap that had formed between them, he rolled his eyes and immediately looked away. Hermione felt her shoulders slump in disappointment. 

For the rest of breakfast she was rather reserved. She just wanted things to go back to how they were before that dreadful mistletoe incident. 

After she taught her morning classes, Hermione had an hour free after lunch, before her afternoon classes would begin. Although it was freezing outside, it was not raining, so Hermione bundled up and decided to have a walk around the grounds. It had been a while since she'd been anywhere near the Forbidden Forest, and fancied feeding some of the baby Thestrals. For such frightening looking beasts, Hermione had become quite fond of them after learning of their gentle nature. 

When she entered the Thestral clearing it was empty. Shy creatures that they were, they required a bit of coaxing at times to appear. Before Hermione left the castle, she'd made a stop in the kitchens and acquired a few pieces of raw chicken to bring down with her. She reached in her pockets and slowly placed a slice on the ground before her. It didn't take long for one of the small animals to poke its head out from the trees and slowly walk towards her. Hermione smiled. 

After the first Thestral began eating, three more young ones, and what Hermione assumed to be the mother approached her. She emptied her pockets of the food she brought with her and sat down cross-legged on the ground, then began to gently stroke the head of the baby nearest to her. 

They had an odd texture to them. Somewhat scaly, like a lizard, but also with a small amount of fuzz, sort of like a peach. The methodical petting of the animal soothed her. It was extraordinarily relaxing. 

As she sat she began thinking of Severus, as she had been quite frequently that term. There were times when she'd catch him looking at her, almost with a hint of longing in his eyes. Of course the moment that he'd catch her watching, his expression would quickly change to that of mild disinterest, or flat out disgust, but even that was not able to get the initial look on his face from her mind. 

Had he been attracted to her as she was to him? If so, why would he fight that? It wasn't as if he hadn't known she had developing feelings for him. He was the one who had called her out on said feelings the month before. Had he been that hurt in his past that he was frightened to do anything that made him happy? That was a possibility, she thought. She knew of his past with Lily Evans and everything James Potter and Sirius Black had put him through. Harry was her best friend, of course he had confided that information with her. It was that information that forever changed Harry’s opinion of Severus Snape. It was that information that cleared his name after the war. 

Severus had been through so much in his life. Hermione desperately wanted to see the man happy and she was determined to be the woman who saw to it that he was. There was a definite connection there, she knew it. And she was not going to let Severus Snape deprive himself of living his life any longer. 

“I'm going to talk to him,” she said to the little Thestral she petted. It responded by gently nipping the tip of her index finger. 

After she left the clearing and made her way back into the castle, she was on a mission. She had exactly forty-five minutes before her next class, and knew that Severus was free at this time as well. It used to be a time they would spend in the staff room together. Either silently working on their own projects, or discussing a number of different topics. It felt like years instead of weeks since the last time they had done that. 

Just as she turned a corner in the hall leading to the staff room, she found herself collide with a dark, cloaked figure, before landing painfully on her backside. 

“Her- Miss Granger! Watch where you're going!” Severus hissed, yet she saw concern for her flash briefly in his eyes. 

_Well, you did want to speak with him_ , she thought as her face grew pink due to running into him that way. 

“I'm sorry, Severus,” she said while standing back up and straightening her robes. 

He snorted. 

“Actually, you were just the person I wanted to see,” Hermione told him with a shy smile. Severus arched an eyebrow. “May I have a word, please?” 

_Here goes nothing_ , she thought as she looked into his black eyes.


	7. Chapter 6.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Believe me, Severus. No one has ever been silly enough to be under the impression that you are a_ ‘nice man.’ _But you_ are _a good man. That much I know.”_

_Four Months Prior_

Hermione sat awake in bed for what must have been the fifteenth time that month, reliving her conversation with Severus, and mentally chastising herself for thinking that it was a good idea. What had she expected? That he would immediately thaw his icy exterior and welcome her into his life with open arms? It wasn't often Hermione thought herself a fool, but now she most certainly did. 

She punched her pillow in frustration as his harsh words replayed in her mind once more.

_“Miss Granger, I do not know what you have deluded yourself into thinking, or what_ signs _you may have assumed I had given you, but rest assured, I am not interested. For one thing, I am far too old for you. And for another, I am not a nice man. I have done reprehensible things in my past. Things you couldn’t even imagine. Believe me when I say, you are seeing something in me that is not there. As much as it pains me to compliment you in the slightest, you could do better.”_

_“Believe me, Severus. No one has ever been silly enough to be under the impression that you are a_ ‘nice man.’ _But you_ are _a good man. That much I know.”_

_“Do not presume to think you know a thing about me!”_

_“Severus!” she called after, as he stormed away._

Hermione’s eyes filled with tears as she remembered the way his eyes darkened before he turned his back on her. That was the last time they had spoken. 

In the Great Hall during breakfast later that morning, Hermione poured herself a cup of coffee, and once again neglected her breakfast. She wished she knew why she had felt so strongly for Severus, and why he was pushing back so forcefully. Not only was he lying to her, she thought, he was lying to himself. The times that they had spent together, before everything went sour, she knew that he had begun to soften towards her. Why else would he have offered to supervise the detentions she handed out? Why had he given her the Dreamless Sleep Potion? Why had he made sure to take the seat next to her during meal times In The Great Hall, and during evenings in the Staff Lounge? Why had he engaged her in lengthy conversations, when he would barely grunt a hello to their fellow colleagues? As much as he tried to convince her otherwise, she was _not_ delusional. He had feelings for her as well. And she would be damned if she didn’t get him to admit it once and for all. No matter what it took. 

As she dipped her head to take a sip of her coffee, taking time to inhale deeply before she did, she peeked sideways towards Severus. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw he was looking at her as well. It wasn’t the first time that she had caught him stealing a glance at her. And it wasn’t the first time that when she did, she saw that he was not looking at her with disdain. He watched her like a man who was looking directly into the sun. Like she was beautiful, yet painful to watch for a prolonged period of time. It elated her as much as it broke her heart. 

After Hermione’s classes were finished for the day, and she was making her way back to her rooms, Professor McGonagall came up behind her. 

“Hermione, I was wondering if I may have a word in my office?” she asked. 

Immediately Hermione began to panic. Was her work slipping due to her preoccupation with Severus? Had McGonagall noticed? Was she going to be sacked? Were her students all failing, because she was a terrible professor? 

“Absolutely, Professor,” Hermione answered in a small voice. 

She tried to read the expression on McGonagall’s face, but the woman gave nothing away. She only nodded and requested Hermione follow her to her office. 

When they arrived to the Headmistress’ office, Hermione took the seat in front of Professor McGonagall’s desk, feeling very much like a student about to be scolded. McGonagall sat down in front of her, reached for a small box and pushed it towards her. 

“Lemon drop?” McGonagall asked. Hermione’s brow furrowed. The corner of McGonagall’s lip lifted. “Albus was quite fond of them, and I’ve found myself growing partial to them as well.” 

Hermione shook her head. “No thank you, Professor.” 

“Minerva, please,” McGonagall said as she put the box of sweets back on he desk. 

Hermione gave a strained smile. “No thank you, Minerva.” The name felt strange and foreign leaving her lips. 

“Hermione, I'm sure you are wondering why I've asked to speak with you.” 

Hermione nodded, a lump formed in her throat. 

McGonagall cracked a smile. “There's no reason to look so nervous. I assure you I am not about to doc you house points, or place you in detention.”

A nervous giggle escaped Hermione. Her curiosity was piqued. Why had she called for her then?

McGonagall seemed to study Hermione closely. Her eyes travelled Hermione’s face and slowly moved their way down to her rapidly thinning figure. The corners of her lips turned down, as it appeared she was worried about what she saw. 

“Forgive me for being so blunt, but is everything alright with you lately? You're not feeling overworked, are you?” McGonagall asked. The concern she had for Hermione was clearly evident in her voice. 

Of course Hermione was overworked. It was in her DNA to overwork herself, but that was hardly the issue, and she couldn't bring herself to admit to her former professor, and now current boss, why she had been looking so ragged as of late. 

“Oh no, Minerva! Not at all. To be perfectly honest, I'm very much enjoying teaching. Far more than I thought I would have,” she said and attempted to give the most genuine smile she could manage. 

McGonagall’s lips thinned. Hermione suspected she knew that she was only giving her half the truth. 

“Is it the staff? Is everyone treating you well?” McGonagall continued to press. 

That was when Hermione realized that McGonagall knew. It was something about the knowing look in her eyes that told Hermione that McGonagall hadn't thought she was overworked for a second. 

Hermione swallowed and responded in a rough voice. “Everyone has been lovely,” she lied. 

Her heart pounded and she had a feeling McGonagall was very near finished beating around the bush. 

McGonagall raised an eyebrow. “Even Severus?” 

_There it is_ , Hermione thought. 

“Severus has been as cordial as one would expect him to be,” she answered shortly. 

McGonagall seemed unable to help herself and snorted at Hermione's response. Slowly her amused expression melted into one of sympathy. Hermione wanted to crawl under her seat. She did not want anyone’s sympathy. Not even her former role model’s. 

“Just be patient with him, Hermione...he’ll - he’ll come around.” 

_Is this real life?!_ she wondered. Had she been that obvious about the entire situation? Had Severus? In what universe would she have ever found herself getting love advice from Minerva McGonagall? And regarding Severus Snape for that matter? Hermione was rendered speechless. 

She couldn't take one more moment of the embarrassment. 

“Minerva, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. And please forgive me for sounding rude, but I really think I ought to return to my lesson planning for the evening.” 

Hermione watched the softening in McGonagall’s eyes as that loathsome look of pity returned to her face. It made her want to scream. 

Without waiting to be dismissed, she stood up from her chair. “Goodnight, Professor,” she said before briskly making her way out of the room and down the spiral staircase. 

As she reached the bottom, her heart stopped. Severus was standing right before her. 

He seemed just as surprised to see her as she was to see him. 

“What are you doing here?” blurted from her mouth. 

Severus’ dark eyes locked frighteningly with hers. 

“I do not see how that is any of your concern.” He sighed. “But if you must known, Minerva requested to speak with me.” 

Merlin’s Beard! Was McGonagall attempting to play matchmaker with the pair of them, Hermione thought in a panic. Hadn't the woman realized how much more damage that would cause? 

For the first time in her life, Hermione felt a strong urge to hex he once favorite professor. 

“Well don't let me stop you,” Hermione said. “And just know that whatever she may say to you, I had absolutely nothing to do with.” 

Severus eyed her suspiciously. “Duly noted.” 

Without any parting words of goodbye, Hermione side stepped around Severus and hurried her way down the corridor. She wanted to place as much distance betwen herself and Severus, once he had left McGonagall’s office. She was in no mood to deal with the fallout that conversation could potentially cause. Especially if it were to be anything similar to the one she had just had. 

“Hermione? I-” she thought she heard him say from behind her. She didn't bother stopping. She could not handle another one of his, ‘ _I'm too old.’ ‘I was a bad person.’ ‘I'm no good for you.'_ speeches. She felt she'd heard enough of those to span over several lifetimes.


	8. Chapter 7.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _She wanted to stop him. She wanted to grab him by the collar and make him see how ridiculously he was behaving. He was unreasonable and irrational. Of course he could offer her more than friendship. He could offer any woman more than friendship if only he’d let himself. Why was he so determined to be alone?_

_Three Months Prior_

April had arrived and traces of Spring were in the gradually warming air. The younger students were easily excitable, since term was rapidly coming to an end, and the older students were as close to zombies as a person could get, due to exams arriving soon. 

Personally, Hermione was more on par with the first through fourth years. She could not wait for the school year to come to a close. Perhaps a summer away from Severus would be exactly what she needed to finally get over this silly crush she had developed. 

Since that evening in McGonagall’s office, the Headmistress hadn't attempted to bring up the subject of Severus with Hermione again, which Hermione was entirely grateful for. It had been one of the more embarrassing moments in her life. 

She was curious as to what McGonagall spoke with Severus about on that same evening, however. Dozens of different scenarios ran through her mind, but she always returned to the same conclusion; McGonagall probably attempted to interfere regarding Hermione with Severus, just as she had with her. One late Friday afternoon, she was nearly one hundred percent positive that had been the case. 

The Staff Lounge replaced the Library as the place Hermione went to seek refuge and solitude. She sat in her favorite seat near the window and began to plan out her exams for her younger students. Even though they would not be held until the end of term, she wanted to get a head start on them, just in case there was anything she would need to tweak later on. 

As she sat with a cup of coffee next to her, and a quill between her teeth - a habit she had not grown out of - she heard someone enter the room, but did not look up to see who it was. A moment later her blood ran cold when she heard the scrape of the chair across from her and _his_ baritone voice. 

“May I?” Severus asked, gesturing towards the empty seat. 

It was the first time that he had spoken to her in weeks. She could feel her heart hammering, nearly begging to crash out of her chest. Yet she kept her expression smooth and impassive. Not even bothering to look up, she nodded. 

When he sat down across from her, he pointed towards the parchment Hermione worked on. 

“Do you mind?” 

Hermione was puzzled as to why he wanted to read over her exams, but since he was not scowling or belittling her, she thought she'd take advantage of this brief respite. It was like the old days to her, when they had began a sort of friendship. Before everything went horribly wrong. 

“Erm...sure?” Hermione said and handed over the exam for the first years she had just finished. 

As he read over her work, Hermione looked down pretending to continue what she had been working on, but glimpsed up at Severus from underneath her eyelashes. She watched his brow furrow then smoothen out, his head lightly shake, and then a small frown formed on his lips. 

Hermione was confused. She thought that she had done quite a good job creating her exams, but apparently from Severus’ expression, and deep sigh, he had not agreed with her. 

When she saw him begin to put the parchment down, Hermione quickly directed her gaze back towards the work in front of her. 

“You're going far too easy on them, Hermione,” he scolded. 

He was being a snarky arse, but a small, small part of her didn't care. She found herself somewhat fixated on the fact that he had called her _Hermione_. It had been weeks. But it didn't take her long to snap out of it. 

“What do you mean, Severus? They're first years. What did you expect me to have on the exam? How to fight off the Imperius Curse? Or did you wish for me to have them produce a Patronus Charm?” There was acid saturating each syllable she threw at him. Just because she was happy he had decided to call her by her given name again, that did not mean she would let him degrade her. She would nip that immediately. 

Severus’ eyes flashed. “Don't be smart. What I'm speaking about is this.” He pointed at question number 5. “Please give the name of the Dark Wizard commonly referred to as, ‘ _You-Know-Who’?_ ” 

Hermione took a deep breath. “Severus, the reasoning behind that particular question is to teach the students to never fear a name. If I can get them to casually say or write ‘ _Voldemort_ ’ instead of _He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named_ , _You-Know-Who_ , or _The Dark Lord_ , then maybe they'll learn that fearing a name is silly and irrational. And that it gives said person even more power over you.” 

Severus’ eyes widened a fraction. He placed his finger across his lower lip and appeared deep in thought. Hermione remained silent as she waited for whatever condescending remark he would possibly say. 

Finally he spoke. “That is - I did not think of it in that way.” He looked impressed and somewhat proud of her. “I recall Albus saying that, ‘ _fear of a name_ -” 

“ _only increases fear of that thing itself_ ,’ I know, Severus. That is where I got the idea from,” she said impatiently. 

The corner of Severus’ mouth lifted, “Know-it-all,” he said. Only this time, he did not say it with the normal venom she had been accustomed to. If anything, it sounded almost as if he was teasing her. 

Hermione’s head spun. She could not understand what was happening. He had barely spoken to her for months, and the times in which he had were not necessarily pleasant. Perhaps she was dreaming again? She pinched her arm and winced when she did, then decidedly knew she was not dreaming. So then what was going on? 

A shy smile formed on her lips as her cheeks heated for the first time in what felt like forever. “So I’ve been told,” she whispered. 

She noticed that Severus looked somewhat uncomfortable, almost nervous. It truly shocked her, as she had never imagined that anything would make Severus Snape nervous. He sat folding and unfolding his hands while his eyes darted around the room, almost like he was trying to look at anything that wasn’t her. Not wanting to push her luck, Hermione raised a questioning eyebrow, then returned her attention back to the second years’ exam she had been working on. 

For quite some time the only sounds in the room were the light scratching of Hermione’s quill on her parchment, or the occasional cough from either Hermione or Severus. Then out of nowhere, Severus broke the silence. 

“Hermione?” he asked, looking more contrite than she had ever seen him look before. 

“Yes, Severus?” 

He pulled at the cuff of his sleeve and kept his gaze locked firmly on the table. Hermione’s heart rate accelerated. 

“I - erm.” He cleared his throat. “It’s difficult for me to do this. As I am not usually the type to apologize, but when it’s warranted, I am man enough to admit when I am wrong. However infrequently that may be.”

Hermione couldn’t help but to let out a small chuckle. Her insides were twisting. What was he about to say to her?

“I haven’t been fair to you,” he continued. “I have done the only thing I know how to do when I become close with someone, and that is to shut them out completely, or to alienate them so entirely that they would choose not be around me any longer.” A dark shadow crossed his eyes, almost like he was recalling something from his past. 

She tilted her head to the side and watched him intently. She could tell that it was taking a lot for him to actually admit this to her. Actually, she wondered if he had ever admitted this to anyone before her. She said nothing and let him go on. 

“I am willing to try being your friend, Hermione. Your _friend_.” He stressed. The word sounded wrong and dirty in Hermione’s ears. “But nothing else. I - you don’t - I’m not the man for you.” He truly seemed to be struggling to get everything out. She couldn’t imagine the strength that it had taken him to be so vulnerable in front of her. In front of anyone for that matter. It only caused her feelings to grow stronger. 

She leaned onto the table, her eyes wide and pleading. “But Severus, why? Why couldn’t we -” 

His eyes darkened, and she cursed herself and her big mouth. 

“We just can’t,” he said in a voice filled of finality. “If you are looking for _more_...then even this friendship will not work.” 

Hermione felt like all the happiness, joy, or hope she had ever felt in her life had drained from her body. Could she only be his friend? She wasn’t sure. 

She nodded while trying to fight back tears. “Ok,” she agreed in a voice like sandpaper. 

Before she could muster up a counter argument, which she was trying to do, and was most likely plainly written on her face, Severus stood up. 

“I am sorry, Hermione. But it is all I can offer you.” 

She wanted to stop him. She wanted to grab him by the collar and make him see how ridiculously he was behaving. He was unreasonable and irrational. Of course he could offer her more than friendship. He could offer any woman more than friendship if only he’d let himself. Why was he so determined to be alone? Hadn’t he realized who he was and what he had done for the Wizarding World? He was a hero, who unfortunately still saw himself as the villain. What could she do to make him realize he couldn’t continue to beat himself up over mistakes he made as a teenager, when he had more than atoned for them as a man? It was maddening!

As Hermione opened her mouth to respond, he shook his head then swiftly made his way through the lounge and out the door, before she could utter one word. She turned around just in time to see a bit of his robes swish through the door before it closed behind him. That was when she let the tears finally fall. She would worry about siphoning them off of her exam sheet another time.


	9. Chapter 8.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“You're so beautiful,” he said breathlessly._   
>  _Hermione felt herself blush and shook her head. “I’m not,” she whispered._

_Two Months Prior_

 

Hermione gave it her all at a friendship with Severus. Of course her feelings for him had not decreased in that time, if anything she was sure she was falling in love with him. When the two of them were alone together he had really lowered his usually well guarded walls. The two joked and laughed often and she found him to be actually rather funny. He had a dry and sarcastic sense of humor, which she knew already, but when it wasn't vindictive, she found it very charming. 

Since the weather was turning warmer and becoming a bit more tolerable, Hermione had even taken Severus to the Thestral clearing a few times, and she was surprised to see how quickly the timid animals had taken to him. Several trips they had not only brought food for the gentle creatures, but would also pack a lunch for themselves in lieu of eating with the rest of the staff in The Great Hall. 

Naturally since Hermione and Severus were spending so much time together, rumors did begin to circulate amongst the staff. Severus she could tell was bothered by it, but honestly, she couldn't have cared less. Let people think what they want to think, she thought. 

She started to become hopeful again. Although Severus was dead set on a strictly platonic relationship, at times his actions would suggest otherwise. For instance, at dinner he would pull her chair out for her - which the first time he had done so, it earned a smug and satisfied look from Professor McGonagall. When going into the kitchens to gather food for either themselves or the Thestrals, he would always place his hand on the small of her back to help her in and out of the portrait hole. And it seemed that any time they would have free time between or after classes, he would always require her assistance or an opinion on something he was working on. If nothing else, Hermione knew that she had definitely earned his respect. 

One evening, late May, Hermione and Severus were having a late night in the Potions classroom. Severus was making final adjustments to the exams he would soon be administering, while Hermione quietly read by candlelight at one of the front desks in the room. Judging by the length of the nearly nonexistent candles, and the diminishing light in the classroom, she had been in there for quite some time. 

Her eyes grew heavy and she gently closed the book and placed it before her. She looked up and watched Severus work - which was one of her favorite things to do. He was hunched over a cauldron adding different items to a potion he was preparing to have his sixth years make for their end of term exams. She watched his slender fingers as they delicately chopped the ingredients needed, his brow furrowed in concentration and the intensely focused look in his black eyes. She couldn't help but to think that he was quite beautiful to watch. 

Severus must have felt he was being watched and looked up with a smirk on his face. 

“Clearly I could not be more interesting than the book you were reading,” he said. 

Hermione smiled. “ _Clearly_ you're wrong.” 

A soft snort came from him as he shook his head and attempted to return to his work. 

Even though Hermione could have stayed and watched him all night, she couldn't ignore the fact that her eyes were struggling to remain open, or the yawn she tried to stifle. As much as she hadn't wanted to, she knew it was time for her to call it a night. 

“Severus?” 

Not looking up from the potion he was brewing, he responded with a quiet, “hmm?” 

“As much as I'd love to stay, I'm pretty exhausted. I'm going to head back to my room now, unless you needed me for anything?” 

It was a loaded question, she knew. She also knew what his response would be. 

His lips turned upwards just a hair and he shook his head. “No, I am fine, Hermione. Thank you.” 

She nodded softly and waved her wand, sending her belongings all into the bag she had brought with her, then stood up from the table. 

“Goodnight, Severus,” she said with another yawn. 

Severus stopped what he was doing and also rose from his chair. “I'll walk you out.” 

Hermione felt a small drop in her stomach. He'd never offered to walk her out before, and she began to run through a million different reasons as to why tonight would be different. Her pulse quickened and she felt her palms begin to sweat. Suddenly she felt wide awake. 

“Oh - okay. Sure?” 

As they made their way through the classroom and towards the door, Hermione stepped on the hem of Severus’ robes and began to stumble. With the reflexes of the experienced fighter Severus had once been, he caught her before she hit the floor. 

She expected him to let her go immediately, to keep up with his _friends only_ policy, but he did not. He kept her in his arms and stared into her eyes with an unreadable expression. He looked like a man who was battling with two halves of himself, and Hermione desperately wanted whichever side of him that continued to hold her to win. 

The two of them stood in their awkward embrace for minutes, or possibly hours, maybe even days, but it felt like an eternity, yet also like seconds. Then Hermione watched his eyes change, they became focused and sure; she knew a decision had been made. Her mouth ran dry. 

Pulling her in closer, Severus lowered his head and gently placed his lips onto Hermione’s. She saw him close his eyes, yet hers remained opened due to the pure shock of what was happening. 

The kiss started slowly at first, almost like he was testing her, seeing if she would turn him away. She felt him begin to pull back, most likely due to her surprised-induced lack of response. She was not having that. 

Hermione dropped her bag and threw both of her arms around Severus’ neck. She kissed him back firmly and passionately, letting out all of the tension she had held inside since Christmas. The two stumbled through the classroom until Severus pinned her against the wall, pressing himself against her. He broke the kiss and looked at her with such carnal desire, Hermione felt as if her entire body had been lit on fire. 

With one hand Severus grasped both of Hermione’s wrists and raised her arms above her head. She wasn’t used to being the person not in control of a situation, but found submitting to him to be rather exciting. He leaned in once more and began nipping her neck, right below her ear. Hermione shivered and let out a small moan of contentment. She felt Severus’ lips turn up in a smile against her bare skin, then trembled when his teeth gently bit the base of her throat. 

Hermione squirmed with pure lustful need and wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel every inch of him. With his free hand, he took his wand and vanished her robes, leaving Hermione in nothing but her bra and knickers. Normally she would have felt the urge to cover herself, but not then. If anything she wondered why he'd left them on and didn't vanish all of her clothing completely. 

Severus let go of Hermione’s wrists, yet she left her arms above her head as he explored her body with his hands. He wasn't just feeling her, he was worshipping every inch of her. Maddeningly slowly he brought his hands back to her shoulders then caressed down to her breasts, where he lowered her bra exposing herself to him. 

“You're so beautiful,” he said breathlessly. 

Hermione felt herself blush and shook her head. “I’m not,” she whispered. 

Severus placed his hands on her cheeks. “Yes,” he said then kissed her, biting her bottom lip before he pulled back. “You are.” 

Hermione’s head was spinning, her body quaked and her heart was hammering so loudly she was surprised he couldn't hear it. When he took a step back from her she pouted, which earned a wicked chuckle from Severus. 

At first she thought that she'd ruined everything with her insecurity, but then realized that had not been the case. Severus began to undress until he was standing before her in nothing but black trousers hanging from his hips, with the fly left undone. 

She took a moment to study his body and was surprised by what she saw. He wasn't exactly muscular, but he was defined. His chest was broader than she would have imagined. She was saddened to see the long, thin, pink scars covering his stomach, but now was not the time to ask. She was not about to spoil whatever was happening by opening her big mouth.

Once he was disrobed he advanced back towards her. Hermione had since dropped her arms back to her sides, so Severus lifted her wrists up a second time, and pressed his weight against her. Hermione thought she had never been more turned on in her life as he took control once more. 

Without using a wand this time, he reached behind her and unclasped her bra, letting it drop to the floor. He took a moment to admire her nearly naked body before thrusting himself firmly against her once more. Hermione could feel that Severus was just as aroused as she was, and it filled her with a sense of power. It wasn't often that Severus Snape lost his carefully controlled demeanor, and to be the person to make him behave so animalistic was intoxicating to her. 

As she stood with shaking knees against the wall, Severus again nibbled at her neck leaving trails of goosebumps behind on her skin. He then traveled south and took her breast into his mouth while massaging the other with his free hand. The sensations his tongue sent coursing through Hermione were electric. She didn't know how much longer she could last. 

When he released her from his mouth, Hermione writhed desperately with need, wordlessly begging for more. Severus gave a throaty laugh and lowered himself to his knees. Hermione froze. She had an idea of what he was planning to do and began to panic. That fear only began to crescendo as he slowly removed her knickers and forced her legs open. She tried to lock her knees together. Severus let out a small growl and forced her legs apart once more. 

“Severus,” she whispered in a panic. “I've never had anyone - I mean - this is the first-” 

Of course Hermione had had sex before, but that was it, only sex. The thought of him placing his mouth _there_ terrified her. It made her feel extremely self conscious and vulnerable. But when he began, all of her doubt and insecurities immediately went out the window. 

The mind blowing pleasure was unlike anything she had ever felt and every part of her did not want it to stop - ever. His tongue worked feverishly at the most sensitive part of her body with such skill she felt like she was coming apart at the seams. Tension slowly built more and more, until she was sure she would combust if it had not released soon. Then mercifully her entire body shattered, and she nearly fell to the floor from the intensity of her climax. Almost torturously he kept going, until it was too much for her to bear and she had to pry his head from her body. 

He smiled at her like a predatory animal and stood up slowly. 

“What were you saying?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Hermione couldn't even remember her name at that moment, let alone what she had tried to tell him beforehand. When she shook her head and panted, “nothing.” Severus laughed. 

Glancing down she could tell he was more than ready to take her at that moment. He lowered and stepped out of his trousers, then stood before her completely unclothed. 

In a swift and fluid movement, he placed his hands beneath her buttocks and lifted her up, using the wall as leverage. Instinctively Hermione wrapped her legs around him as Severus found his way inside her. Hermione could have honestly said she had never felt more complete in her life than at that moment. They fit together perfectly; it was like their bodies had been made for one another. 

He started out slowly, the way one does when taking a new lover for the first time, but Hermione wanted more. She brought her hips up to match his and started to move quicker, hoping he would take the hint. A wild gleam formed in his eyes and Severus picked up the pace. 

The entire time Hermione found herself wanting more; faster, harder. Finally she voiced out loud what she desired and Severus seemed only too happy to oblige. Again she felt the tension mounting up inside her until her entire world exploded in ecstasy once more. She yelled out his name as she scratched her nails down his back, and felt him finish not long after she had done so. 

Severus held her up for just a few minutes afterwards and peppered soft kisses on her mouth, cheeks and eyelids before setting her back down on the ground. Her legs wobbled and he placed his hand under her elbow to keep her upright and steady. 

He looked deep into her eyes and gave her one more chaste kiss. 

“Sleep here tonight?” He asked.

Even after all the times Hermione had expressed her desire for him, and especially after what just happened, he still seemed unsure of himself. Hermione could not understand how that was even possible. 

“Of course,” she panted, as if it were obvious. “I’d be insulted if you hadn't offered.” 

Severus’ eyes seemed to have a new light in them as he took her by the hand and rushed her into his bedroom. Neither of them ended up getting much sleep that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to pixileanin and victoria_anne for looking over this chapter for me! I probably would have never posted it without you!! <3


	10. Chapter 9.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Severus walked away, leaving behind the damaged pieces of a woman who had been broken too many times._

_One Month Prior_

 

For a few blissful weeks, Hermione and Severus maintained a rather passionate secret affair. They both decided it would be best to keep it from the staff, and most especially the students, at least for the time being. Hermione was fine with that, she found herself in the middle of the rumor mill enough while she was a student at Hogwarts, and didn’t exactly fancy returning to it whilst a professor. So for the end of May and the beginning of June, Hermione and Severus would continue to meet late at night in the Potions Classroom, and if they had time, perhaps they would get some conversation in. 

Then out of nowhere, everything changed. 

Hermione and Severus were sat in the Thestral clearing during a period together one afternoon. She could already tell that something was off, because he had hardly touched or looked at her the entire time they had been there. 

“Something wrong, Severus?” she asked after he heavily sighed. 

At first he shook his head and continued to stroke the back of a baby Thestral which laid next to him. He petted the creature idly with a far off look in his eyes. Hermione felt a pit in the center of her stomach. She knew that look. The same argument they've had multiple times was about to happen again. She was sure of it. 

Not wanting to bring it up if he was not going to, Hermione shrugged and adjusted her weight to her left side, as she felt her right arm begin to fall asleep. 

“If you say so,” she said. 

Hermione stretched her legs out in front of her and leaned back on her elbows. She looked up through the small opening in the canopy of trees above them. There was some blue visible in the sky that day and the temperature was rather pleasant. A direct contrast to the mood she felt Severus had let himself slip into. The silence between them in that moment was one of the loudest she had ever endured. 

There had been a handful of moments when Severus expressed his doubts regarding the pair of them. It was always the same excuses, “ _I’m too old,” “I'm a broken man,” “I was a Death Eater, Hermione,” “You're young and beautiful, you shouldn't be tied down with someone like me.”_ Of course everything he said was complete rubbish, as she had told him more times than she could count. But he was exceptionally hard on himself, and not to mention entirely too stubborn. It was extremely tiresome. 

“Hermione?” Severus’ voice broke through the silence. 

“Beautiful day out, isn’t it?” Hermione commented airily, pretending not to notice that _we-need-to-talk_ tone he was using. 

“Hermione…” This time his voice was a bit sharper. 

“About time we see a bit of sunshine, don’t you think? It’s been raining something dreadful for days now,” she continued. 

There was no part of her that wished to have the same conversation for the dozenth time. Her mind was made up, and when Hermione had her mind set to something, not even Merlin himself could budge her. 

Severus swore under his breath. “ _Hermione!_ ” he shouted. 

He was extremely angry now, but still, she wasn’t letting up. 

“Severus, we’ve had the same discussion more times that I could count. You’re not too old, nor are you too broken, and no, I do not care what anyone thinks of the two of us being together. You’re being completely ridiculous about the whole thing and-” 

“Enough!” he cut her off. 

Hermione’s cheeks went pink.

His breathing had become heavy and a dark shadow crossed over his eyes. Hermione found herself scoot back a few inches away from him, without intending to. 

“Enough…” he repeated, while pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He looked exhausted, as well as angry. 

When she reached her hand slowly towards him, Severus took a step away from her and turned his back. 

“Severus?” she said, almost in a pleading voice. Her heart felt as if it dropped into her stomach. 

She watched his shoulders slump as he lifted his arm to wipe his brow. If he was going to attempt to leave her again, he was going to have one hell of a fight. 

“Hermione, this really needs to stop,” he said so quietly, she almost didn’t hear it. 

Rolling her eyes, she stood up from her spot on the ground and walked towards him. 

“You’re being completely absurd about this, you know that, right?” she snapped. “Who is honestly going to care if we’re together? We’re both consenting adults, so it should not be anyone’s business but ours.” 

She waited fifteen heartbeats before he responded. 

“It’s not just that.” 

_Here we go again_ , she thought while she crossed her arms over her chest. If Severus thought Hermione would let him go just like that, he had another thing coming. 

Severus reached down and began to roll up his left sleeve. Hermione, knowing exactly what he was doing, rolled her eyes. 

"I’ve already seen _that_.” She pointed towards the Dark Mark which was so in contrast with his alabaster skin. “I know what it is. But it's not who you are anymore. You've changed. People can _change._ ” 

Although, and she would have never admitted it to him, the sight of The Mark did nauseate her.

Severus grasped at his hair with both hands. He began to pace. "Hermione, you only truly know of what I've done during the Second War.” 

Hermione's gaze followed him as he trekked back and forth; he had a look in his eyes that made him appear as if he were a man lit on fire. Suddenly he stopped right in front of her and forced his arm in front of her face.

“Look at it, Hermione,” he ordered, his nose scrunched up in disgust. 

Taking Hermione completely off guard, he reached down and grabbed her by the chin, forcing her to stare directly at the horrid tattoo. When she glanced up to meet his eyeline, she was slightly jolted. His entire expression was mad and there was something in his eyes that very much reminded her of the man she disliked so strongly when she was younger. 

"This doesn't wash off, unfortunately," he sneered. "You would wish to have a relationship with me when _this_ is a part of who I am?”

“Was a part,” Hermione quietly corrected him. 

“You do understand what this branding means, correct? You’re an intelligent young woman. I have lied, stolen, killed and tortured - and the victims were mostly all people of your birth right!" She had never heard him raise his voice the way he had in that moment. 

She’d have been lying if she’d said she was not just a little frightened of him then. 

It was true. Severus had a dark and difficult past. That Mark represented everything she had lost - including a part of herself - years ago. Looking at it caused flashbacks of Fred, Tonks, Lupin, Colin, Lavender and countless others lying dead in the Great Hall. Months of solitude and fear while hunting Horcruxes. Poor little Dobby with a knife protruding from his chest, dying on the beach. But that monster he tried to portray himself as wasn’t who he was at that time. By the time all of the most horrible things to have ever happened to her occurred, Severus Snape was working for the The Order. He was working for _good._

He dedicated his life to protecting Harry and helping to take down Voldemort. As a spy, he could have been found out and killed at any moment. Why could he not see all the good he had done? 

Severus watched Hermione, at this point his face was void of any emotion. She looked him right in the eye and took a deep breath. 

"I understand. I know you did some horrible, reprehensible and despicable things in your past-" he opened his mouth to speak; Hermione shook her head and held her hand up to stop him. "But another thing I know is you dedicated more of your life fighting _against_ Voldemort than _with_ him. I know the risk you took every time you were in his presence. You may have done some awful things, but you more than made up for them. You may not always be the most pleasant person to be around," she chuckled softly as he raised an eyebrow at that comment. "but you _are_ a decent man. You are truly good and that's all that matters to me."

She then lifted up the left sleeve of her shirt to reveal to him the scar which said, _Mudblood_. He took in a sharp breath when he saw it. His eyes narrowed.

"Who - When - How did you get that?" he demanded as he took ahold of her arm. 

"Courtesy of Bellatrix Lestrange," she said with a curl to her own lip.

Severus snorted angrily; fire lit his eyes. 

"We both have scars we wish would disappear," she said quietly as she ran her finger over the slur forever carved in her skin. "But we should not be ashamed of them. We should wear them proudly. They show where we've come from, who we are, what we've lost, and what we've become. Never be ashamed of who you are, Severus," she said passionately.

Hermione bore her eyes into his, desperately trying to get him to see that it didn’t matter to her. But she could tell she was not winning this battle. Severus closed his eyes then shook his head. 

“I’m sorry, Hermione,” he told her in a gravely voice. 

Hermione felt a lump in her throat. “Severus, please be reasonable.” Tears had begun falling from her eyes. He was telling her goodbye, she knew it. 

When he turned his back to her, she saw his shoulders rise and fall with a shuddering breath. 

“You deserve better. You can _do_ better.” 

“Sever-” 

“This has to stop, Hermione. I - I can’t continue on pretending that this is right any longer,” he told her, still with his back turned. She was furious that he did not even have the courage to at least look at her while he ripped her heart from her body. 

“You’re being absurd, you know that, right?” she hissed. 

“We’re through. I’m sorry, but this is over.” 

And with the finality of the moment hovering in the air, Severus walked away, leaving behind the damaged pieces of a woman who had been broken too many times.


	11. Chapter 10.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“You love me.” He said the words slowly, like they were foreign to him and did not make sense in that order._

_Present Day_

For the last few weeks of term, Hermione decided she was finished dealing with the ups and downs of Severus Snape. If he didn't want her, then she was not going to beg, or follow him around like some sort of pathetic lapdog. She was better than that and deserved more. 

But was she over him? Not at all. 

Hermione realized that she had indeed fallen in love with him, so ignoring him just as thoroughly as he did her was one of the more difficult things she'd done. There were times when she'd falter and find herself nearly speak to him in the Staff Lounge, or any other time they were in close quarters with one another. But as soon as she'd catch herself doing so, she'd snap herself out of it. 

Once term had ended she returned back to her empty flat. Ginny and Luna had long since moved out; Ginny with Harry and Luna with a man Rolf she had begun to date. Although she cleaned and redecorated, trying to make the place more distinctly hers, and had all the books she could wish to read, she couldn't deny that she was feeling dreadfully lonely. 

One evening in late July she sat reading on her couch in front of a roaring fire. The words kept blurring on her as she found her mind traveling to those few precious moments she had spent wrapped up in Severus in his rooms, or the Potions classroom. 

She remembered the tenderness in which he held her, and that burning look in his eyes as they would intertwine for hours at a time. He loved her. She knew he did, but for whatever reason he seemed determined to deny himself of her love in return. 

Maybe if she actually had said the words out loud, it could have changed everything. 

Hermione checked the time and saw it was nearing midnight. Should she do it, she wondered? Would he even agree to see her? She closed her book and placed it on the end table next to her. To hell with it. She would go to him tonight and make him see reason. If two people truly loved one another, it was beyond madness for them not to give it a go together. 

She had a vague idea of where he lived, due to snooping through the staff files on a night she was particularly bored. Before she could talk herself out of it, Hermione grabbed her travelling cloak, tried to flatten her hair the best she could and prepared to leave. With a twist of her body she disappeared into the crushing darkness before her feet slapped down onto sopping wet pavement. It was pouring rain. 

After arriving to his home and letting herself in, Hermione wasn't quite sure what to say. She let herself look around the front room of his home while she tried to find the right words. 

His sitting room was lined with bookshelves holding nearly as many books as Flourish and Blotts. There was a tattered old armchair, covered with patches and burn marks, sitting next to stone fireplace - the fire long since burned out. The room had that musty smell of old parchment and a slight pungent odor of chemicals. She assumed he did some of his potion making at home. The green wallpaper was peeling in small strips and the wooden floor had a thin layer of dust; footprints could be seen from where Severus had travelled around the room. His home screamed of neglect and suggested that he was a simple man with simple needs, but Hermione thought of him as anything but. 

“Severus,” she breathed out with her back still towards him. She didn't quite have the courage to look at him yet. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked for a second time. 

This would be her last attempt, she told herself. If he rejected her this time, then she would let him go for good. She had spent the better part of a year trying to convince him that he was worthy of love, but if he would not listen this final time, she was through. She could not continue to put herself through the emotional madness that she had enured these past several months. 

“We need to talk,” she said firmly. 

With a steadying breath, she turned around. Severus stood with his arms folded across his chest, wearing a look like she was some sort of fly that had entered his home. One he could not swat away. 

“I think we pretty much cleared everything up the last time we had spoken, don’t you?” he said quietly. 

Her eyes narrowed. “Hardly,” she replied with steel in her voice. 

Hermione took on the stance of a person who would not be moved by even the strongest of winds. Her face was set and determined, and she would not leave until she either had him back, or had some closure. She assumed Severus realized this, as she watched him hunch over slightly and flourish his wand, conjuring two wooden chairs. 

He let out an annoyed breath while shaking his head. “Sit,” he ordered as he took a seat of his own. 

It was a start, she thought as she sat down. At least he seemed somewhat willing to listen to her. 

“Well, Miss Gran-” 

A white hot rage surged through her, and Hermione drew her wand, aiming it directly at him. “If you refer to me as ‘ _Miss Granger_ ’ one more time, after everything we’ve done together, I will not hesitate to blast your nose from your face,” she hissed through her teeth. 

Severus rolled his eyes. Hermione was insulted that he didn’t have the gall to even look remotely intimidated by her threat. 

“Alright, _Hermione_ ,” he stressed with a pointed look. “What did you wish to discuss?” 

Placing her wand back in her pocket, Hermione spoke to him as if Severus were a small child. “What do you think I’m here to discuss, Severus?” 

She watched a flash of anger go through his eyes at her tone as he leaned back in his seat. “Go on then.” 

And so Hermione launched into her speech that she had mentally rehearsed at least fifty times that evening. 

“I think you’re a foolish man,” she began. “I do not understand why you are so determined to not allow yourself any happiness. You cannot sit there and honestly tell me that you do not have feelings for me. So why are you so dead set on spoiling everything?” 

He began to respond, but Hermione was not exactly looking for an answer. She cut him off and continued speaking rapidly. 

“I don’t want to hear the same excuses you’ve spewed dozens of time. Because, quite frankly, they’re idiotic. I _don’t care_ about your age. That means nothing to me! I _don’t care_ about your past, because, it. is. your. past. What matters to me is who you are _now_. Right now, in this moment. And you know what Severus? As much as you try to argue or disagree with me, you’re not the monster you attempt to portray yourself as. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, or in how many different languages - should I perhaps try Gobbledegook next?” 

Severus sat forward in his chair, bringing his face inches from her own. She felt his breath on her neck and tried to surprise a shudder. “Don’t get smart, Hermione,” he threatened

Hermione leaned in closer, locking her eyes in his. “You don’t frighten me, Severus. Because, the truth is...the truth is.” she felt her hands begin to shake and her throat tightened. It was now or never, she thought. “The truth is that...I love you, Severus. I have fallen completely in love with you. And, I think - or hope at least - that you love me, too. I was able to see it, Severus. I could _feel_ it! And for you to continually deny yourself love and happiness, it’s - it’s lunacy!” 

The tension in that moment was unbearably thick. Hermione’s chest heaved, breathing heavily after her passionate speech. She had thrown all of her cards on the table. Severus’ nostrils flared and his eyes widened at her declaration. He once again looked like a man who was battling two parts of himself. Hermione knew that this was the pinnacle moment. Either he would throw her from his home, or he would finally realize that she was right in everything that she had said. 

Hermione hadn’t moved a muscle and remained silent. She had a feeling that if she were to say one more word, it could possibly shatter every point that she had made. Severus seemed stunned into silence. He sat back in his chair and ran both hands through his hair. Although, she could have sworn she heard him mumbling to himself, but she couldn’t make out the words. Her heart was beating so quickly that she was afraid it would reach it’s final beat at the age of twenty-four. He just _had_ to understand that she was right and that he was being a complete fool about the entire situation. 

When he finally looked at her, there was true pain in his eyes. “Hermione,” his voice was much calmer and much softer than it had been the entire evening. He was almost speaking to her as he had while they shared those few weeks sneaking about the castle together. “I - I had no idea that you...that you felt that way,” he admitted. 

With a nod of her head, Hermione let the corner of her mouth curl into a half-smile. “I do,” she whispered. 

Severus looked as if he had been Confunded. He tilted his head to the side and placed his index finger across his lower lip - his eyebrows came together. “ _Why?_ ” he asked, a tone of genuine curiosity filled his voice. “Of all the men in the world...”

Her heart squeezed painfully seeing that he truly could not fathom how anyone could love him. She could hear it in his voice and see it plainly written all over his face. He did not, or could not understand. But she would make him.

“Yes. Of all the men in the world, I love you. _You_ , Severus. What about that is so difficult for you to wrap your head around?” She was beginning to raise her voice - lose control. She wanted to do this as calmly as she could, but he was making it extremely hard for her. 

“You love me.” He said the words slowly, like they were foreign to him and did not make sense in that order. 

Hermione’s temper was starting to rise. “ _Yes_ , Severus.” 

At times it boggled her mind as well. Yes he was older, and could be absolutely insufferable, yet she had also seen a side of him that she was sure no one had seen in many years. A softer side. Kinder. Someone who was funny, who challenged and stimulated her intellectually, as well as physically. As much as it was completely mental for her to love him, it also made perfect sense for her to do so. 

Severus remained silent for quite some time. He seemed to be studying every inch of the woman in front of him. Hermione watched his eyes travel from her own, down to her mouth, her busy hair, then her entire body. Her cheeks flushed as his eyes hesitated for a moment when they reached her breasts, and should couldn’t help but to think of the last time he had looked at her in that way. She couldn’t take the silence any longer. 

“Say something,” she pleaded, even though she wasn’t entirely sure she was ready or wanted to hear what he may have had to say. 

Still without saying a word, he stood up and moved away from her, turning his back. Hermione sat with baited breath until finally, he spoke. 

“Hermione. I - I don’t know how much I would be able to offer you. I believe you may have noticed by now that I do not know how to deal with my emotions very well. I’ve never been one for romance or any of that nonsense. I’ve lived most of my life surrounded by hate, greed and more ugliness than you could possibly comprehend.” 

Although she had heard much of this before, his voice was different this time. It wasn’t dismissive or cruel; it almost sounded like an apology. 

“I don’t care abo-” 

Severus spun around then placed his finger on her lips to stop her from speaking. “Please. Let me finish.” 

Hermione’s pulse quickened. Was she getting through to him after all? she wondered, full of hope. 

“As I was saying, I don’t feel as if I could give you what you need, but I am a selfish man, Hermione. I always have been. And the reason I tried so hard to push you away was because…” 

He squatted down so he was level with her, then took his hands and placed them on both sides of her face. Hermione’s heart felt like it was about to burst as she watched this man - this man she loved, struggle with finding the right words to say to her. In that moment, he looked less like a broken and defeated person, and more like a lovesick teenager who was terrified of admitting his true feelings. She knew what he was about to say before the words left his mouth, and she was elated. 

Without warning, he pulled her head in close to his and closed his eyes, before placing a soft and gentle kiss on her lips. There was a part inside Hermione that was jumping up and down in victory, and another part of her that was entirely taken off guard and praying he meant it this time. When she arrived to his doorstep that night she _hoped_ that things would have gone this way, but she had absolutely not expected things to end up this way. 

Too soon Severus pulled away, yet he kept hold of Hermione and looked deep into her eyes. 

“I love you, too,” he admitted once and for all. 

Hermione’s head spun. A huge smile broke out upon her face and she felt as if the weight of ten thousand suns was lifted from her shoulders. It was a weight she had not even realized she was carrying until he finally said those three words she had been so longing to hear. 

With a reckless abandon, Hermione threw her arms around Severus’ neck, nearly toppling both of them over, and kissed him as if it were the first time. Every unspoken word and every emotion was put into that kiss, and it felt as if Severus was doing the same. She was quite sure that no one had ever been kissed quite as passionately, and purely as they had in that moment. The entire house could have gone up in flames and she was damn sure that neither one of them would have noticed. 

Without breaking away, and with the speed of a much younger man, Severus scooped her up into his arms, cradling her into his chest. She wasn’t quite sure how or when it happened - she was a little distracted - but when he placed her down onto a firm mattress, she realized that he must have taken her to his room. He stood back from the bed and watched her for a moment, looking at her like she might disappear at any moment. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Severus,” she promised. 

“I know,” he said while pulling out his wand. 

Hermione felt that heat of desire creep up her body. She knew what was coming and had to make a conscious effort to keep from begging. Half of Severus’ mouth turned up as he swished his wand, relieving Hermione of her clothing. A wicked grin formed on her face, and she lifted her arms above her head, waiting for what she knew was to come next. 

Severus let out a low chuckle and flourished his wand again. Thin ropes wrapped themselves around Hermione’s wrists as the opposite ends tied to the bedposts on each side of Severus’ bed. 

“I've missed this,” Severus purred, as his eyes hungrily covered every inch of Hermione’s naked body. 

Hermione squirmed under his gaze; heat was traveling from her toes to her fingertips. She wanted him more in that moment than she ever had before, now that she knew he loved her as well. 

Severus took his time lifting his shirt over his head and removing his pajama bottoms, making a show of it, and laughed quietly when she growled her frustration. He stood before her, never looking more appealing in her eyes. He may not have been what most woman would have found attractive, but to Hermione there was no one who made her blood burn the way he could. 

Tapping his finger on his lips, he smirked down at her writhing figure as she tugged against her restraints. 

“What do you want, Hermione?” he asked in a silky baritone. 

Just the tone of his voice alone nearly caused her to come undone. 

“You,” she said breathlessly. 

Severus crawled onto the bed, between Hermione's legs and lowered his lips to her throat. His breath caused chills to rush throughout her. 

“No, no. Tell me _exactly_ what you _want._ ” 

Hermione felt her face flush and a slight panic filled her. She wasn't exactly the most open person with voicing her desires out loud. The idea of saying the words horrified her. 

“You know...I want you to - to...erm,” she mumbled. 

She felt exceptionally silly, which was not helped when Severus sat up and shook his head at her in mock disappointment. 

“Well if you cannot tell me, then I am afraid I will have to guess.” 

Hermione knew what she wanted. She wanted him to use his tongue on her, as he had so many times, bringing her nearly to the brink of madness when he did. 

Before she could muster up the courage to say something, Severus opened her legs and began tracing his tongue on the insides of her thighs. He would travel so very near the place she wanted him to be, then intentionally retreated and moved further away, laughing when she would hiss in anger. She knew he was doing it on purpose and a part of her wished her hands were free so she could reach for her wand and curse him. 

“Severus,” she whined the fourth time he had done it. 

Not removing his mouth from her inner thigh, he whispered against her skin, “Tell me.” 

Hermione swayed her hips, trying to show him what she wanted. Again he shook his head. It was infuriating. 

“Fuck it all! I want you to use your mouth on me, Severus!” she shouted. 

He glanced up at her with white hot desire in his eyes. “As you wish.” 

Then mercifully he gave her exactly what she wanted. Her back arched as she experienced what she was sure was the highest amount of pleasure that any person could possibly experience. The way he knew exactly which spot to hit, and the exact speed and amount of pressure that would send her crashing over the edge, was almost unfair. 

Her body climbed higher and higher as he went on, Hermione panting and sighing his name until she reached her peak. Stars formed before her eyes as she squeezed them tightly shut and shouted out incoherently. For some reason, she wasn't sure if it was due to his torturous teasing, or due to the fact that they had expressed their love, what she was experiencing was the most intense climax of her life. 

When he finished, she felt entirely wrecked and didn't know if she could handle what would come next. Her eyes grew heavy and began to close. 

She felt Severus crawl up towards her and the ropes which bound her to her bed disappeared from her wrists. As she lowered her arms back down he massaged the spots where she had been tied and kissed her lightly. 

“I love you, Hermione Granger,” he breathed against her lips. 

Her heart fluttered at his words and she became so overcome with emotion that tears leaked from her closed eyes. “I love you too, Severus. Forever.” 

He wiped the moisture from both her cheeks before laying next to her and wrapping his arms around her waist. 

“Sleep, my love. We have all the time in the world. I will be here when you wake.” 

Hermione opened her eyes and looked directly into his. For the first time she didn't see a hint of indecision or hesitancy in them. For the first time, she believed him. 

“Promise?” she asked. 

He pulled her in closer and kissed her once more. 

“For the rest of my life,” he promised. 

As she nuzzled her head into his chest, Hermione smiled in the arms of the man she loved, and who loved her, before drifting off into the most restful sleep she'd had in months.

If someone told her when she began teaching that she would have ended up falling in love with Severus Snape, she would have called them mental. Sometimes things just happen. Things you can't explain. They happen by chance or by accident. And most of the time, those things that happen when you least expect them to, end up being the greatest of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that is the end of the story! Thank you to everyone who has read, bookmarked, kudos'ed and commented!! Sorry for putting you all on an emotional roller coaster, but I hope you found the ending satisfying. :) 
> 
> Thanks so much for all the love and kind words (even when you were kind of angry with me lol). Much love to all of you! 
> 
> xoxo Meg


End file.
